Ayane
Member
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2011
- Messages
- 109
My grandfather is currently in the hospital after a stroke attack. He lost his ability to walk around on his own and talk straight. He also is starting to lose memory incredibly fast with each day from what I've heard. They've also said, he's only got those couple days left because now he's denying eating or drinking and wants to be left alone. However he's requesting I show up. Now I do plan to go up and see him this weekend, I still would like to share my feelings so I can breathe, I guess.
I usually never get sick, but lately with all the stress and anxiety, I keep coming down with colds. One after another and now I've already starting having a really bad sore throat that kept me up all night just staring at the roof and wondering what I'm going to do.
You see as the day of the travel up comes closer, the more and more I feel like I'm going to sink into the abyss. I don't really know what to do.
My grandfather and I were really close. Although I couldn't come down for ever family reunion - we still kept in touch. The times I did see him, he'd always have me bawling afterwards. He always said the nicest things to me, and encouraged me to face each day with a smile. He was always there, even when he wasn't. I mean, he just knew, knew when I was not feeling well. He could always catch a lie when I was trying to pretend and I was always appreciative to his attentiveness.
Yet now I'm terrified of what will happen when I do meet him face to face. Since he's always known my feelings, known when I was so deeply concerned that I actually secretly want the moment I walk through that door, he won't recognize me. Is that horrible to say? I don't really know, I just feel like a giant mess.
I usually never get sick, but lately with all the stress and anxiety, I keep coming down with colds. One after another and now I've already starting having a really bad sore throat that kept me up all night just staring at the roof and wondering what I'm going to do.
You see as the day of the travel up comes closer, the more and more I feel like I'm going to sink into the abyss. I don't really know what to do.
My grandfather and I were really close. Although I couldn't come down for ever family reunion - we still kept in touch. The times I did see him, he'd always have me bawling afterwards. He always said the nicest things to me, and encouraged me to face each day with a smile. He was always there, even when he wasn't. I mean, he just knew, knew when I was not feeling well. He could always catch a lie when I was trying to pretend and I was always appreciative to his attentiveness.
Yet now I'm terrified of what will happen when I do meet him face to face. Since he's always known my feelings, known when I was so deeply concerned that I actually secretly want the moment I walk through that door, he won't recognize me. Is that horrible to say? I don't really know, I just feel like a giant mess.