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Constructive Disagreements (and Arguing!)


I'm not sure that I would find those rules very helpful, but it is very important that both people have a chance to have their say and be listened to by their partner.
 
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Hubby and I usually see eye to eye on most things. When we do argue about something we really make an effort to see each others point of view.
 
I think having arguments once in a while is normal with couples, we can't totally avoid doing so.
It's because of disagreements between two people and we can't possibly agree on all things all the time.
As for me and my husband, we just practice the principle of give and take and good communication for us to resolve our differences.
 
Seems legit.
When me and my boyfriend argue, we have a code word. And when said we both just drop it, shut up, and go back to normal.
Arguing is such a waste and ruins relationships and I really don't wanna lose him, so I'll try anything to stop it completely.
 
My boyfriend and I had a fight last night, at first I was so fierce that I didn't want him to take over me, but then I surrendered, I was so tired defending myself to him, I just kept quiet. He kept on bullying me, saying things that makes me feel very unworthy as a person. I almost let go, I wanted to broke up then, but he said "sorry", my mood leveled up a bit, I prayed and asked God for a second chance to make things right. I ended up forgiving him for who am I not to forgive. Besides, I love him, and its more justifiable than anything else.
 
It is very normal for couples to argue at some time. They say it would be nice for a relationship for sometime to make the relationship and give spice to it, and I definitely agree with that. there is nothing wrong with couples fighting as long as at the end of the day, they will be able to forgive each other and fixed the problem.
 
soccerbai123 said:
It is very normal for couples to argue at some time. They say it would be nice for a relationship for sometime to make the relationship and give spice to it, and I definitely agree with that. there is nothing wrong with couples fighting as long as at the end of the day, they will be able to forgive each other and fixed the problem.
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What if, at the end of the day, forgiveness seems to be a hollow word only that no one tries to fix things up. What if they the spice of relationship becomes a spice forever that no one and nothing can ever be offered to done to make the relationship lasts. Just what if?... :(
 
francrislee25 said:
What if, at the end of the day, forgiveness seems to be a hollow word only that no one tries to fix things up. What if they the spice of relationship becomes a spice forever that no one and nothing can ever be offered to done to make the relationship lasts. Just what if?... :(
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Well, then that is a totally different story. If it is something that cannot be forgiven although you both have tried to save the relationship, that would be your decision if you want to stay with the person or not. I am not saying that you should argue to spice up the relationship, it is just that it is okay to argue sometimes.
 
Yes it was just normal to argue cause we all differ in some beliefs and opinions no matter how you love each other. The point is, couples should learn how to respect that differences and talk about it to makes the relationship work. It was very important that you give each others chances to talk and explain his own side and then listen and try to look at the other side of the issue. Communication will serve a valuable role in keeping the relationship healthy.
 
My partner and i have very little difficulty talking to each other when we don't make a big deal of it. But there are times when we get into this prearranged talk territory when the blaming starts and it isn't a pretty thing to be part of. So we keep things fun and casual so as not to hurt each other's feelings.
 
I feel in all relationships there will be disagreements, we are not clones of each other (thank goodness) and part of relationships is to GROW. We only grow when we are challenged and yes, it is amazing how romantic relationships in particular make us grow. I think key is to keep it in the arena of constructive disagreement (very healthy) rather than drop it to the level of destructive argument where one person want to be RIGHT.

Being right means making someone else wrong, I cannot see how this can help anything or anyone.

Releasing the need to be right could be part of the answer, it definitely saw my relationship grow from 'childish' to relatively 'mature'. Always be TRUE to who you are though but as long as we respect ourselves, everyone else has to - or they are no longer welcome.
 
I think that was good advice. I'm not sure that my hubby can walk away and not talk about it for 48 hours though. He is the type that would want to resolve something as soon as possible. It bothers him that when we get upset with each other I don't want to talk about it immediately. I often tell him if we are both in that state of mind, we won't listen to what each other has to say. We have to calm down first and we can talk later. I find that this works for me but my hubby does get impatient.;)
 
I wanted to thank you for this. My partner and me have been stuck in the same argument for some time now and each time it would dissolve into further arguments about things that had nothing to do with the initial conflict. This has actually helped me get my point across without derailing the conversation.
 
Everyone argues.
Whether it's over something big, or something small. You'd just have to take some of these tips listed above as a guide for getting through arguments, especially with your significant other. In my case, I like to take a few seconds to calm down and collect my thoughts, then proceed to explain my point of view. My boyfriend hates when I do that. He always wants me to speak mind, which then in turn, creates another argument. Ultimately, everyone doesn't agree on everything all the time. Taking healthy steps to diffuse the situation is what matters more importantly.
 
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Good communication is the key, in my opinion. No one is going to agree all the time, but it helps to know and understand why the other person feels the way s/he does (even if you still don't agree with them).

I know these will sound cliche, but they are still true: sometimes you have to "agree to disagree." Also, "pick your battles." Another one that sticks in my mind is "do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy?" It's not about *winning* an argument, it's about sorting things out.
 
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