Princess Pyro
New Member
WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television
set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out
by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential
that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
Pillsbury, ain't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the
aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help
him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his
wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes
later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of
string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you
were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to
the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with
a tin of tobacco and rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo
much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........ so does
she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of
them wan! ted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard
of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives
of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything to men. The husband then turned to his wife and
asked,
"What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so beautiful and so stupid all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee."
Wife! replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next
day, he would need his wife to wake him at ! 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but . . . .
there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.
PP
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television
set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, " but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot
wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out
by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.
MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, "It is essential
that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's
Pillsbury, ain't it?
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up and down the
aisles. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help
him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his
wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes
later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of
string on the counter. She says, confused, "Sir, I thought you
were looking for some tampons for your wife?
He answers, " You see, it's like this, yesterday, I sent my wife to
the store to get me a carton of cigarettes, and she came back with
a tin of tobacco and rolling papers; cause it's sooo-ooo--oo-ooo
much cheaper. So, I figure if I have to roll my own ........ so does
she. (I figure this guy is the one on the milk carton!)
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a
word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of
them wan! ted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard
of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives
of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."
W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day.
30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we
have to repeat everything to men. The husband then turned to his wife and
asked,
"What?"
CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so beautiful and so stupid all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!
WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it, because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee."
The husband said, " You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my
coffee."
Wife! replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible
that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament
and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed
says.........."HEBREWS"
The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving
each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next
day, he would need his wife to wake him at ! 5:00 AM for an early morning
business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a
piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM
and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and
see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by
the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman, but . . . .
there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.