Lottie
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Article By Kyra Karmiloff & Professor Annette Karmiloff-Smith: Source: LINKY
The arrival of a new baby will be a life-changing event for the whole family, but probably most of all for you child. Breaking the big news will therefore require planning and preparation. So when is the best time to tell your child that you are expecting? Obviously, it is not a good idea to say anything until the pregnancy has been confirmed and is well established. Some parents will choose to announce the news at around 12 weeks gestation when the risk of miscarriage diminishes. Others may wait until after the 20-week scan when they know all is well. Alternatively, and this is advisable if your child is under two, you might decide to wait until it is very obvious that mummy is changing shape, and the pregnancy is clearly visible. No two children are alike, so there are no hard and fast rules about when or how to announce the news. You will probably get an instinctive feeling for what is right for your own child.
PREPARING THE GROUND
There are certain things that are worth bearing in mind if you are facing this decision at the moment. Research has shown that young children have little concept of time or gradual change, so resist telling your child too early. But it's just as important not to leave it too late. Invariably expectant parents are eager to spill the beans to friends and relatives and chat about the future. And you may not realize that your toddler, who may be only just beginning to talk, eavesdrops on many of your conversations. Many studies have demonstrated that a toddler's understanding of language is far more advanced than the language he himself can produce. Unbeknown to you, while busy playing at your feet, your child is also taking in much of what you are saying to others. So, as soon as you start talking openly about the pregnancy to others, it's time to tell your toddler.
Prepare your child for the news before making the announcement. For instance, , if you know other women about to have babies, point out their pregnant bellies and use this as an opening for talking about the subject with your toddler: “Look, there's a baby growing inside that lady's tummy." You may find that some of your child's little friends are just about to, or have just gained a new brother or sister. Again, this is an ideal opportunity to introduce the subject of pregnancy and babies. Pregnant animals in zoos or farms can also act as helpful examples. Little children find it much easier to think about new concepts if these can be grounded in visible, tangible examples in their environment. Draw your child's attention to newborns when you pass them in the street, talk about how they look and the funny sounds that they make. Encourage your child's curiosity about babies by also choosing relevant stories and promoting pretend play with dolls and teddy bears.
BREAKING THE NEWS
Having done a little groundwork, choose a quiet, relaxed moment to announce to your child that you have a baby growing inside your tummy. Have your scan pictures handy to show him his new little playmate. Of course exactly what you say will depend a lot on your child's age and his level of comprehension. Keep it very simple for the toddler and avoid making too much fuss about it. It's likely that he will respond with bemused delight, or perhaps total indifference! After all, to the young mind, babies inside tummies have little to do with real babies in the outside world or with the prospect of a permanent new addition to the family. It is a good idea, if you can, to talk about the baby's arrival with reference to an event in the calendar that will have some meaning to your child. For instance: “we're going to have a new little baby soon after Christmas", or “the baby is going to be born when it's Summer again."
GIVE YOUR CHILD ATTENTION AND REASSURANCE
Once your child knows there's going to be a new baby, you need to talk regularly with him about the growing bump, letting him put his hand on your tummy when the baby is moving, so that he feels part of the pregnancy too. Mention the baby as a little person whom he will be able to help you look after and play with. Give him lots of attention and reassurance if he shows signs of jealousy, or reacts by reverting to babyish behaviour or clinginess. Make sure that other adults around him are aware that he may be feeling extra sensitive. Bear in mind that however much preparation you think you have achieved, your toddler is unlikely to be able to really understand what having a new member in the family will actually be like. Initially, he will probably take in the news and think about it much in the same way as he does one of his bedtime stories.
Use storybooks to help your child imagine life as a sibling. There are lots of lovely children's books written specifically for this purpose, aimed at a variety of different ages. Also, if you foresee needing to introduce any significant changes in your child's routine as a result of the baby's arrival, start doing so well in advance of your due date. For instance, if you need your toddler to move into a bed once the baby arrives, try to alter the sleeping arrangements several weeks or even months before the new baby will need the cot. Your child should not feel as if the baby is forcing him out of his cot. If you feel the move will be difficult for your child, you might even want to dismantle the cot and put it away temporarily. Above all, make the transition an exciting event. Let your toddler choose new bed covers, the position of his new bed in the room, or the books or soft toys that he can keep at the bottom of the bed. It is also nice to involve your child in preparing the nursery, letting him help to put the baby clothes in the cupboard, arrange the room and even choose colours or accessories. But do wait until he is settled in his new bed before preparing the old cot for its new occupant.
Anyone else have any idea's? Feel free to add!
The arrival of a new baby will be a life-changing event for the whole family, but probably most of all for you child. Breaking the big news will therefore require planning and preparation. So when is the best time to tell your child that you are expecting? Obviously, it is not a good idea to say anything until the pregnancy has been confirmed and is well established. Some parents will choose to announce the news at around 12 weeks gestation when the risk of miscarriage diminishes. Others may wait until after the 20-week scan when they know all is well. Alternatively, and this is advisable if your child is under two, you might decide to wait until it is very obvious that mummy is changing shape, and the pregnancy is clearly visible. No two children are alike, so there are no hard and fast rules about when or how to announce the news. You will probably get an instinctive feeling for what is right for your own child.
PREPARING THE GROUND
There are certain things that are worth bearing in mind if you are facing this decision at the moment. Research has shown that young children have little concept of time or gradual change, so resist telling your child too early. But it's just as important not to leave it too late. Invariably expectant parents are eager to spill the beans to friends and relatives and chat about the future. And you may not realize that your toddler, who may be only just beginning to talk, eavesdrops on many of your conversations. Many studies have demonstrated that a toddler's understanding of language is far more advanced than the language he himself can produce. Unbeknown to you, while busy playing at your feet, your child is also taking in much of what you are saying to others. So, as soon as you start talking openly about the pregnancy to others, it's time to tell your toddler.
Prepare your child for the news before making the announcement. For instance, , if you know other women about to have babies, point out their pregnant bellies and use this as an opening for talking about the subject with your toddler: “Look, there's a baby growing inside that lady's tummy." You may find that some of your child's little friends are just about to, or have just gained a new brother or sister. Again, this is an ideal opportunity to introduce the subject of pregnancy and babies. Pregnant animals in zoos or farms can also act as helpful examples. Little children find it much easier to think about new concepts if these can be grounded in visible, tangible examples in their environment. Draw your child's attention to newborns when you pass them in the street, talk about how they look and the funny sounds that they make. Encourage your child's curiosity about babies by also choosing relevant stories and promoting pretend play with dolls and teddy bears.
BREAKING THE NEWS
Having done a little groundwork, choose a quiet, relaxed moment to announce to your child that you have a baby growing inside your tummy. Have your scan pictures handy to show him his new little playmate. Of course exactly what you say will depend a lot on your child's age and his level of comprehension. Keep it very simple for the toddler and avoid making too much fuss about it. It's likely that he will respond with bemused delight, or perhaps total indifference! After all, to the young mind, babies inside tummies have little to do with real babies in the outside world or with the prospect of a permanent new addition to the family. It is a good idea, if you can, to talk about the baby's arrival with reference to an event in the calendar that will have some meaning to your child. For instance: “we're going to have a new little baby soon after Christmas", or “the baby is going to be born when it's Summer again."
GIVE YOUR CHILD ATTENTION AND REASSURANCE
Once your child knows there's going to be a new baby, you need to talk regularly with him about the growing bump, letting him put his hand on your tummy when the baby is moving, so that he feels part of the pregnancy too. Mention the baby as a little person whom he will be able to help you look after and play with. Give him lots of attention and reassurance if he shows signs of jealousy, or reacts by reverting to babyish behaviour or clinginess. Make sure that other adults around him are aware that he may be feeling extra sensitive. Bear in mind that however much preparation you think you have achieved, your toddler is unlikely to be able to really understand what having a new member in the family will actually be like. Initially, he will probably take in the news and think about it much in the same way as he does one of his bedtime stories.
Use storybooks to help your child imagine life as a sibling. There are lots of lovely children's books written specifically for this purpose, aimed at a variety of different ages. Also, if you foresee needing to introduce any significant changes in your child's routine as a result of the baby's arrival, start doing so well in advance of your due date. For instance, if you need your toddler to move into a bed once the baby arrives, try to alter the sleeping arrangements several weeks or even months before the new baby will need the cot. Your child should not feel as if the baby is forcing him out of his cot. If you feel the move will be difficult for your child, you might even want to dismantle the cot and put it away temporarily. Above all, make the transition an exciting event. Let your toddler choose new bed covers, the position of his new bed in the room, or the books or soft toys that he can keep at the bottom of the bed. It is also nice to involve your child in preparing the nursery, letting him help to put the baby clothes in the cupboard, arrange the room and even choose colours or accessories. But do wait until he is settled in his new bed before preparing the old cot for its new occupant.
Anyone else have any idea's? Feel free to add!