For Him

[Fallen Angel]

This is one that I wrote for my ex boyfriend, after suffering from a mild eating disorder. He saved me, and for that, I am eternally grateful.


For Adam

My eyes are closed
I cannot see,
those torturous things
in front of me.
I feel her eyes
locked upon me,
the silent glare
as she tries to read me.
I open my eyes,
what I see makes me ill,
but I swallow it down
and start to fill.
Once it's over
I leave the room,
and step outside
into lingering gloom.
Nobody knows
they don't understand,
why a beautiful body
is my only demand.
I leave the stars
and get out of the cold,
I ignore all the shouting,
ignore what I'm told.
I move down the hall,
the shouting I leave,
And into my sanctuary,
the place I can breathe.
I lay on the bed
and I close my eyes,
I leave all the sadness
to find truth, no more lies.
I think of my love,
my one, my only,
and that if he'd never come
I'd surely be lonely.
Alone in my pity
and in my self hate,
and someday soon
death surely my fate.
But he opened my eyes
and made me love life,
he killed my desire
to harm with the knife.
He made me feel special
He made me feel strong,
andhe made me realise
I've been a fool all along.
He made me feel happy
he made me feel proud,
to have a body
that's envied in a crowd.
I was once filled with doubt
but now there is none,
I'm no longer ashamed,
I feel like I've won.
Won the great battle
I've carried within,
I've escaped from the trance
that I was once in.
I used to be afraid
of getting fatter,
but I now understand
that size doesn't matter.
Unless, of course,
you refer to the heart,
for that should be largest
of all body parts.
And so my love,
I want to thank you,
you made me feel loved,
you helped me see true.
Now I don't care if I wobble
I don't care if I bounce,
for I have inner-beauty
and that's all that counts.
I open my eyes
so I can see,
this wonderful person
in front of me.