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Do Nice Girls Finish Last?

Discussion in 'Burning Issues' started by Parker, Nov 29, 2012.

  1. Parker

    Parker Member

    I try to be nice and respectful of people. It's just they way I am. But some people think being nice is the same as being weak and try to take advantage. I tolerate it a lot of crap up to a point. Then I usually end up "biting someone's head off!"

    So why is nice seen as being weak? Do nice girls really finish last?
     
  2. digitalbrew

    digitalbrew Member

    Well, nice can be assertive and assertive people don't finish last. I am also nice and respectful but I wouldn't want people to trample on me simply because I hand them favors. So I'd rather be fair than end up being stressed and rude when people begin to take advantage of my demeanor.
     
  3. bellahpereira

    bellahpereira New Member

    I think there's a thin line between being nice and being walked on. People don't understand that just because you're sweet and kind it does not mean that you will not do what you need to do to achieve your goals. For example, I can be a really big B. But I try not to be because I know it doesn't look good on my part, nor do I enjoy being that way, but when it has to be, I don't have a choice. Nice girls finish last because they don't know how to be anything but nice. I went to an all-girls school and I found that the nice people were usually easy to walk all over. Because girls don't understand that 'nice' doesn't have to mean what they think it means. To me, being nice is being respectful. I can only respect people to a certain extent, when they begin to mistreat me or when I notice that they're using me, I become the person no one wants to anger. I can't control what people do or how they act, but I can certainly adjust my reaction and feelings to match what they making me experience.
     
  4. Lugia

    Lugia Active Member

    I used to be the kind of girl that was so scared of hurting other peoples' feelings feelings that I would just sit there and take s--t from them because I didn't want to hurt them... but now I've learned that it's good to be as nice as possible to people but sometimes you've just gotta learn when it's time to tell someone to back off, ESPECIALLY if they're messing with your friends!
     
  5. Jesserotica

    Jesserotica Member

    Yes. Assertive people can be nice, in fact they most often are. The problem with the "nice guys (or girls) finish last" line is that it doesn't really properly use the word "nice." It should read "passive people finish last."

    There are four types of behavior: aggressive, passive aggressive, passive and assertive. A lot of people who are considered "too nice" are really passive. It has nothing to do with being nice. You can be nice even while being aggressive.

    Parker, it sounds like you tend to be passive until you feel walked on and then snap and are temporarily aggressive. Practicing assertiveness will help improve your relationships, not only by showing users and abusers that you are not going to be walked on, but by helping you carry yourself in a way that will attract other nice, assertive people into your life.
     
  6. UmiNoor

    UmiNoor Member

    People always think that nice girls are pushovers. I think I'm a nice person. I'm not rude or disrespectful to others but I'm pretty reserved and quiet. So, even though I'm nice and will help others, I will not let others take advantage of me. Be nice but be assertive too so that people won't walk all over you.
     
    Ayane likes this.
  7. digitalbrew

    digitalbrew Member

    You couldn't have said it better.

    I agree with you. Too nice is often perceived as passivity and being passive doesn't work well if you're like that all the time.

    Some people take advantage of other's niceness and you should not give them a chance to do so. You need to voice out your concerns so that you don't end up being abused. Being overly passive is a weakness.
     
  8. Parker

    Parker Member

    [quote="Jesserotica]

    Parker, it sounds like you tend to be passive until you feel walked on and then snap and are temporarily aggressive. Practicing assertiveness will help improve your relationships, not only by showing users and abusers that you are not going to be walked on, but by helping you carry yourself in a way that will attract other nice, assertive people into your life.[/quote]

    I don't agree that I'm passive. If someone has a different opinion that me, I can agree to disagree. I don't have to continue with the conversation to try to force them to believe my opinion. I feel that people have a right to their own opinions.

    I'm not talking about this thread. It seems that the people that I meet seems to believe that if I don't forcefully try to make them believe as I do, them I must be weak minded. They continue to nag at me until I snap. I could be more assertive in ending the conversation. I will take your feedback into consideration.
     
  9. Jesserotica

    Jesserotica Member

    Hmm, in that case it just sounds like you're surrounded by some not-nice people. I don't think I'd want to be around someone who nags me until I snap.
     
  10. Parker

    Parker Member

    Yes, they are not so nice people. They are family. That makes it worse. That's the real problem. I really would like to cut them off period, but I feel guilty about having that idea.
     
  11. Jesserotica

    Jesserotica Member

    Ah yes, family. If only we could choose them, eh? :)
     
  12. Ayane

    Ayane Member

    ^This is exactly how I feel. I was in plenty of situations on dates where the guy would try to feel me up on the first date because I'm so nice - was shy - that I'm just going to give in. Ha - I've given my slaps to the face and chewed someone out, for them to call me a prude.

    Just because I smile and I try to entertain someone doesn't mean that I'm their usable carpet to walk over, which is probably why my boyfriend and I have so many talks. (Which is good because I think had I settled down to most of his control issue, we would have been separated by now. lol)
     
    Parker likes this.
  13. cinderr

    cinderr New Member

    I'm with you--I treat people the way I would like them to treat me. It hasn't worked out very well. They tend to take advantage and for some reason, they want to help me like I'm too weak or idiotic to handle my own life.
    On another side, I notice if you are friendly to strange men, just smiling, just saying hello, they think you are coming on to them! Has that ever happened to you? It's so queer!
    And what about people who say, "smile!" You would look pretty idiotic if you went around with a big grin on your face!
     
  14. angelle

    angelle Member

    I don't necessarily think that one has to disrespect anyone or be mean per say but I think one should be assertive. Being assertive will allow one to execute what ever it is that they are trying to execute without anyone in the way. Being nice comes across as being a push over and people will notice and walk all over you. This can cause you to finish last because you're too busy being nice by letting people ahead of you.
     
  15. dconklin

    dconklin Member

    I think it depends on exactly how nice you are. Some people are too nice and naive at the same time, that can cause problems because there are people that will walk all over you if they find this out. This can cause someone to finish last so to speak.

    Now with me, I am nice and respectful to people but I am not at all naive. I have seen a lot and been through a lot and tend to be able to look right through people's intentions. I will be nice to anybody but will take no crap from anybody. I have no problem with voicing my opinion when I disagree and absolutely nobody will walk all over me. So as you see, you can be nice but yet not get taken advantage of at the same time. It can be hard to find the balance sometimes.
     

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