Ayane
Member
- Joined
- Dec 18, 2011
- Messages
- 109
Last night I had some sort of a huge overwhelming panic-attack. I've always had a great deal of social anxiety and further more the smell of alcohol alone has left a trigger.
I told my boyfriend this and he ended up telling me we were going to the movies with friends I knew. He ended up bringing over 3 people - 2 I never met and one who I dislike because he sleeps around a lot even with a gf.
Anyways they had tons of wine and beer. I didn't know cause I was getting dressed but when I walked down stairs. The aroma - the slurred voices - the laughing. I started shaking really bad and went upstairs. I stayed upstairs the rest of the night in a closet because they were so loud I could hear them.
My boyfriend and his friends making fun of my rudeness for not coming down but all I could see was my mother towering over me at that moment. I tried to strangle myself when I realized my phone was downstairs. I had no one to call and couldn't leave without going through them.
I remembered that my cousin is due to visit tomorrow from out of town and stopped. I cried myself to sleep. Has nightmares of my boyfrirnd cheating on me all night. Woke up feeling like shit. Feel stupid and weak. Feel betrayed and want to crawl in a hole and die.
Don't know how to react without my cousin seeing through me. Wishing that my poker face works out.
I told my boyfriend this and he ended up telling me we were going to the movies with friends I knew. He ended up bringing over 3 people - 2 I never met and one who I dislike because he sleeps around a lot even with a gf.
Anyways they had tons of wine and beer. I didn't know cause I was getting dressed but when I walked down stairs. The aroma - the slurred voices - the laughing. I started shaking really bad and went upstairs. I stayed upstairs the rest of the night in a closet because they were so loud I could hear them.
My boyfriend and his friends making fun of my rudeness for not coming down but all I could see was my mother towering over me at that moment. I tried to strangle myself when I realized my phone was downstairs. I had no one to call and couldn't leave without going through them.
I remembered that my cousin is due to visit tomorrow from out of town and stopped. I cried myself to sleep. Has nightmares of my boyfrirnd cheating on me all night. Woke up feeling like shit. Feel stupid and weak. Feel betrayed and want to crawl in a hole and die.
Don't know how to react without my cousin seeing through me. Wishing that my poker face works out.