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The constantly online-playing-boyfriend-issue

Essie

Essie

New Member
Joined
Jan 11, 2012
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14
Hi forum. My problem is simple yet complicated. I've lived together with my amazing boyfriend for a year and half and our relationship is growing and we're happy together. One big problem has totally escalated within our time together, though......
..He has started to develop a severe addiction for computer-gaming.Now...I've been patient and I've been accepting...but one week ago I had to act and tell him that it has gotten to an unhealthy state now and that he should play less. I felt like his mother!!! Please, do you share my situation? Have you ever confronted your boyfriend, friend or a sibling because of this problem?

This is a problem I think many girls have...they get frustrated and worried and maybe even angry when their partners just won't stop playing online
 
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I just saw your thread now...has things improved yet? Well, I did have a boyfriend a few years back who went through a period of being addicted to games...but it was simply a period and we were having some problems at that times so I think it was escapism on his part.

I think you do have to put your foot down...but also try to get to the bottom of what it is that is prompting his behavior. Maybe problems at work, family etc...something that he is trying to get away from?

This could bring you closer...
 
Not sure if this has improved at all yet, but wanted to throw my two cents in! My husband is a gamer (video games, online games, etc) and there was a short while that it was a problem. In my situation, I just talked to him about it, let him know how I felt and went from there. If I wanted his attention, I told him that I wanted it and usually got it. So maybe try simply talking to him, don't "tell" him that he needs to stop because people (especially guys) don't do well with being given "commands" or so I've observed.

I'm also curious as to how long he plays the video games.
 
Hmmm...I've never really had to deal with this problem before because my boyfriend as well as I play online games together. We've both never gotten addicted to these games simply because we both go to school and just have healthy social lives.

Another question is how long does he play these games for? All day or just after he gets home from work? I don't think it's a good idea to interfere with a guy's hobbies if he isn't over doing them.

My suggestion to you is to maybe talk to him about it. Either that or try to give him an excuse to put down the games by dressing up and asking him to go outside with you.
 
My husband pretty much spends all his time at home playing online games. I play with him a little bit, but I have other things to do. I have just learned to accept it. If I tell him to stop. He gripes about me yelling at him, and just rreverts more into his games. I've accepted its just a part of who he is. If I really need him he is there for me. I remember one time when I needed him for something and he came to help me and went back to his game and he was dead. so he looked at me and said see I died for you. It was sort of sweet.
 
I know how you feel for sure! My husband and I are both gamers, but he plays a little bit more than me.

We try to game at the same time, if possible. He'll be upstairs on the PC and I'll be in another room on the xbox360, for example. If he's still playing when I'm done I try to do whatever I can on my laptop or call my mom or friend for a quick hello. I try to do my daily gaming while he's at work. I know it's tough for him because he works all day and I expect to spend all that time together, but of course he wants to play a bit more of a game. I used to get upset and sometimes I still get a little aggravated. We both have bouts of insomnia (but never at the same times, sadly), and we naturally will just crawl out of bed and game for a bit to try and tire ourselves. It just seems like my husband will play longer and I wonder when he'll be coming back to bed. Other times I don't even notice and just sleep the whole night through.

I'd say stick to your guns and let him know how you feel and that some kind of compromise needs to be drawn up and respected.
 
Good thing I don't have a problem with this, mainly because we're both gamers. In fact, when I said in one of the threads that we met online, we actually met in a game. Before we met in a single MMORPG, we were one of the best players from two different games, so we both knew that we both spent loooooads of time playing and things. Both of us right now have stopped playing for now since we have to focus on studies so... :p

So, seeing that you already confronted him about it, what was his response?
 
My boyfriend is a gamer too, but now I just accept it and don't nag at him because it only makes things worse. I once told him to go to bed and he replied with, "Ew! You sound like my mother." That was the day I stopped nagging at him and just use sexy talk to lure him away from the computer.
 
I had a brother who was addicted to gaming for awhile. He was mostly addicted because he had some depression in his life. After he was able to address that problem he is much better off. Do you think there could be some underlying issue?
 
You could always participate in gaming with him. I don't have this issue because 1. my ex and I played games together, sometimes
against each other on sites like King.com....2. he's my ex:p But I do think that joining in his interests may help a bit. Also, being
addicted to gaming isn't nearly as bad as the other things online he could be addicted to, like internet porn, or heaven forbid Facebook.
He could also be addicted to the mutual correspondence that chat rooms provide, so it could always be worse. Of course that doesn't mean
settle, if you have an issue, address it. Problems can't be solved unless their bought to light.
 
I am lucky. My husband doesn't play online games. He never has. He does spend a lot of time on the computer, but it's always for educational purposes. I would continue to talk to your boyfriend about the situation and how you feel about it. It is important that he understands how you feel. Perhaps you can set some time aside with him to specifically make a date for.
 
The lucky thing for me is I'm as obsessed as games as my boyfriend is... Actually, I think I'm more obsessed. I know this isn't the type of answer people who aren't into games would want, but have you tried trying to understand why he likes the game so much? And by that, I mean have you tried playing the game with him? Doing that, you hit two birds with one stone by spending time with him, and at the same time enjoying a game and learning more about his own likes.
 
I believe it's in men's genes to be competent in something. After all, in the caveman days, they did the hunting.

My boyfriend is also a gamer. Thankfully, I also am a gamer and have undergone the gaming addiction phase which is why I can perfectly relate to him. Imagine having to wake up at a person using the computer to play an MMORPG. He goes to the bathroom and brings my phone with him to play Tower Defenders and other Android Games (this happened after his PSP got busted). If I'm using my laptop, he'll resort to turning on his PS2 and spend countless hours figuring out puzzles, beating up zombies and taking out the life bar of a Tekken character.

Instead of confronting him, I played the girlfriend card. Not the whiny type, but the "mustering all my charm and loving ways to take away his attention" type. He'll eventually notice you. And you could always say then, "Can I have some of your time? I just miss looking at you."
 
You girls are so wise. Thank you for your support. I thought no one was going to notice my poor little thread.
We did break up 3 months ago. I'm living the life of a single girl again. But I will defenitely take this with me. Your wise and kind words.
 
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I was married to a man who decided being on his computer all day, playing games and sleeping, were more important than me, the housework, having a job, and well, everything else really. I say was, because I got fed up of having to do everything, and feeling like I didn't exist. I divorced him some time later.

Never just accept crap like that, you're worth more than a computer game ever will be.
 
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