I Have Lost My Sanity...

[Memoriae]

Here are the things that have killed my sanity...

1. suicide threats.
These past few weeks have been extremely stressful for me.
It all started with a friend of mine, a tranny boy - female to male - laying all his drama on me during midterms.

before he transitioned from a female to a male, he met a girl. Their relationship was difficult, since she is a lesbian, and he transitioned to a guy. He wanted to go through surgery, cutting off his boobs and such, but she didnt want that. So despite his inner objections, he said ok.
She can't get over the fact that, since she is a lesbian, she likes girls. But she is in love with Him, who used to be a her. She can't get over the labels.

He has been calling me during the past 3 weeks complaining about this.
But he really did me over when his girlfriend broke up with him.
why?
because she can't stand the whole "gender issue"

of course, since he is head over heels in love with her and would do anything for her, he flips out.

he starts calling me and telling me he is going to kill himself. He says he is going to jump over a bridge.

Saturday I spent 2 hours on the phone with a suicide help line trying to figure out what I can do.

Naturally I cant do jack.

why?
because he lives in Indiana, and I am in Georgia.
Neither him nor I have the means to get him down to Georgia to crash with me.

Of course even if we did, he wont listen to me or take any of my advice.
I sit here racking my brain trying to help this guy, and he shuts me down.

It got to the point where I started to ignore his phone calls.
why should I bother trying to help him when he will just shut me down.

Then his friend kicked him out, and he was talking about living under a bridge.
I bitched him out because he wouldn't take my advice to find a shelter.
he called me back and left a message saying, Bitching me out isnt helping the situation.
I thought to myself...are you KIDDING me?! I have to bitch you out because you wont LISTEN to me!
I was ready to take a flight to Indiana to kill him myself.

I would love to ignore him and such but I can't. One of my biggest flaws is that I care too much about my friends, and would set aside my own health to help them.

I also know that he has no other real friends that he can talk to about this.

I wouldn't have been able to survive without the help of my friends...
I wrote them a thank you message, telling them how much they mean to me and whatnot [it was really sappy actually]

he leaves me a comment on the blog post...saying how he is offended that I didn't mention him.
I was ready to strangle him...
I thought to myself...
most of this is YOUR drama! all your crap you laid on me!
did I mention I bombed my mythology midterm because I was dealing with your *sweary word*?! trying to help you step off that suicide ledge?!

I know that seems shallow, but honestly it isn't. He kept making suicide threats, over and over. I know him, he as already attempted once, so him making more threats isn't a joke.
Of course now he is talking to me like nothing happened.
I swear...


2. Finance issues.
During midterms, mom pretty much told me that if I don't get my scholarship back, I will have to take a year off to afford school. Or I wouldn't be coming back.

it isn't easy to keep a B average.
these teachers are unfair at times and they expect graduate level work in an undergraduate class.
it is especially hard when it is your first time using the programs. it seems like no matter how hard I bust my ass on my work, it never seems to be good enough.

they keep raising tuition as well.

I had a mental breakdown about this last Wednesday...
------

Honestly, my friends support is the only thing that is keeping me going at the moment.

Especially the ability of a friend of mine. She is able to make me forget all the drama, for at least a night or a class period.

This was a long post, most likely filled with grammatical errors, spelling mistakes and serious organization issues.
I apologize for that. It is late and I have to be up at 6:30am for class tomorrow.
and I still haven't done my homework.
I really needed to get this off my chest.

thank you for listening.

 

[Snowbaby]

I've only managed to read the first section of your post due to I have to leave for work... my personal experience... if someone is truly feeling suicidal, generally they don't tell anyone. It sounds like your friend needs help with these issue (quite rightly so), but isn't too sure how to get it.

I think you did the right thing. I've had a few instances online where someone I thought was a friend had told me over MSN that they've done something to endanger their life... the next day? They signed in as normal.I'm not saying this is definately the case, but it's too difficult and draining for you to have to go through it when your friend doesn't seem to want your help, only your attention.

 

[Tiddlyjen]

2. Finance issues.
During midterms, mom pretty much told me that if I don't get my scholarship back, I will have to take a year off to afford school. Or I wouldn't be coming back.

it isn't easy to keep a B average.
these teachers are unfair at times and they expect graduate level work in an undergraduate class.
it is especially hard when it is your first time using the programs. it seems like no matter how hard I bust my ass on my work, it never seems to be good enough.

they keep raising tuition as well.

I had a mental breakdown about this last Wednesday...


I can really feel you with this one, im on the other end of my year off trying to earn money to pay for uni, its really not happening either

Im about to run out the door, but trust me, ill get back to you later and give you a looong message of love and support

<hugs> <hugs>

 

[Lottie]

Regarding your friend...Sometimes in life we have to take a step back from a situation and protect ourselves. From what you have written it appears you have helped this person out as much as possible in your situation. You are a really good friend that's obvious to see.I wouldn't feel bad about ignoring this person for a little while, you have a multitude of things going on yourself. Unfortunately although it's very hard to do, sometimes you have to let people go for a while to face up to their own issues and problems. Life is one big learning experience and this particular person appears as if he needs to learn some things but on his own.

I agree with Snowy, people who commit suicide generally never talk about it. The fact that he does talk about it suggests that this is just his way of releasing his frustrations. However I am no expert and of course you should tread cautiously.

Maybe the best advice you could give your friend is to seek a support group or counselor, it sounds like he is very confused.

 

[merisplit]

Well, it seems there's nothing much to add here. Snowy is right, if he really wanted to kill himself, he would do it without telling you. Like this, it sounds just like a cry for help, even for attention. Now, you've helpt as much as you could have, it's not easy dealing with someone who has such identity issues, his love problems are much more complicated then others. I think he needs professional help, and you can't play a psychologist, especially when you have problems of your own. Besides, he appearantly won't listen to your advice anyway.

About the money... I know

I can't help you much, I can only tell you to try to hold on..work even harder? I don't know. But this is just an episode in your life, a tough one, I agree, but it'll pass and everything will be ok, trust me.