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Having a Crush While in a Relationship

Discussion in 'General Chit Chat' started by angelle, Feb 2, 2014.

  1. angelle

    angelle Member

    For months, I have been disconnected to my boyfriend. I refuse to have sex with him and I refuse to engage in any thing that pertains to showing love. I don't know if it stems from the fact that I do NOT like having sex with him - I think the sex is horrible. It's like I went from amazing sex with my previous boyfriend to crappy and dissatisfying sex with my current boyfriend.

    So, lately I have had my eye on someone and I have the hugest crush on him. He lives in the same apartment complex as I do. He wanted to date 3 years ago but I wasn't attracted to him then. Now, he no longer has dreads and he is definitely something to look at. I am thinking ,darn, if only I had said yes. Of course, I wouldn't cheat but what should I do. Should I take a break from my current boyfriend? I kind of feel like I am being deprived of a sex life and happiness.
  2. sammy43

    sammy43 New Member

    I would consider the fact that it is much more than just the sex. I can't argue that a good sex life helps make for a better relationship, but it is always about the small stuff in the moments more than the sex itself. It would seem that your feelings for your boyfriend have long faded, and the real goal of your question is permission to make a change. If the feelings have faded and you aren't there you should certainly take a break. Not to try someone else on or for any reason other than the fact that your current relationship fails to provide your life with joy and happiness. Remember that it begins with you first, and then you bring that to the relationship. You are setting yourself up for failure if your hoping that the relationship will bring the joy and happiness instead of enhancing and adding to it.
    angelle likes this.
  3. kiwigirl

    kiwigirl Member

    You really have to think about why you're still with your boyfriend as it sounds like you don't care about him anymore. It could be OK, if it was just the sex you didn't want but you also say that you feel disconnected from and that you don't want to show love in other ways e.g hugs, holding hands ect..

    If you don't feel like your relationship with your boyfriend is progressing than you may to be alone for awhile. Although you may not want to rush to date your crush, as you weren't attracted to him initially, so if he decided for example to go back to his old style and to get dreads again, you may not be interested in him anymore.

    Instead it would be better to find a guy whose personality is just as attractive as his looks.
    angelle likes this.
  4. Trellum

    Trellum Member

    I'm no expert, girl, but the fact you feel this way is a big red flag. It truly looks like you have already fell out of love with your boyfriend. Hence you are disconnecting from him.

    In my opinion that relationship is doomed. You should break free, life is too short and that guy no longer makes you happy in any sense, so why stay? And no, I am not talking only about sex, because I can easily tell there is more to it than just that.

    Maybe you should be alone for a bit and get to know yourself better... Know what your priorities are and so on.
  5. strongerthanever

    strongerthanever New Member

    The way your post sounds, you definitely need a break hun. It's great that you don't want to cheat, and it's best to weigh the pros and cons. Think about it over and over again so as not to hurt him and to get hurt as well. Hope you'd make the right decision. All the best.
  6. Seffiata

    Seffiata Member

    I know how you feel, I've been feeling so disconnected from my boyfriend during the last few months, he has said things I'll never forget. Things that have not only hurt me, but the relationship as well. Up until a few weeks ago I don't think I'd have a crush while in a relationship, but now I know I can, lol. I've this crush on a guy I became friends with recently... so yeah, I don't want to cheat either!! And I'm pretty sure I won't, even tho I know my boyfriend has been such a undeserving prick, who doesn't value me and let his family abuse me some months ago. But still...

    All I can tell you is that the way you are feeling and even expressing about your actual boyfriend is a huge red flag! Be careful, it seems you are falling out of love with him.
  7. KelsieDee

    KelsieDee New Member

    I think you should leave your boyfriend if you're not happy with him. Doing this would be fair for you and your boyfriend. If you like this other person then you should end things with your boyfriend and pursue something with this new interest.

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