[E! Celebrities] Jessica Simpson

[GoogleNews]

Like, Jessica just makes our head spin with confusion and hair coloring: Um, what's Chicken of the Sea? Who's Vanessa Minnillo? What the hell happened to MTV's Newlyweds? Y'all, where is Nick Lachey? Why's Ashlee Simpson look so different all of a sudden? Is Papa Joe Simpson creepy, or what? Her song "A Public Affair"--ain't that just Madonna's "Holiday"? Wait, is hunky-funny Dane Cook more than Jess' Employee of the Month co-dufus? Like, why did Dukes of Hazzard suck so hard? As designer Karl Lagerfeld recently said of the semi-chanteuse, "Eh...I'm not impressed." We hear ya, bro.

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