Potholer
Active Member
Ok I have this tendency to act/say what I think people expect me to act like/say. It helps me to blend in with different people, which I enjoy because everyone has something special and interesting about them, it's just a matter of bringing it out by being like them (people are drawn to those they relate to). I get to show different aspects of my personality too - sometimes its nice being around people who are quiet, other times I just need to talkamillionmilesanhour, other times, I need to be uber geeky and complain about how xbox is stupid and needs media center which ONLY COMES ON PREMIUM VERSIONS OF VISTA AND XP PRO AND THE WINDOWS VERSION HAS TO BE LEGIT ARGGHHH, or I can be a complete idiot and say the stupidest things, but you know, that's jsut part of me but there are some people types that match certain aspects.
The annoying thing comes when I get sucked into expectations when I don't want to be.
Example. How is a girl meant to be friends with a guy when everyone's first reaction is oooooo boy huh? ARGH.
Me: Just going to Reuben's after work
Mum: Hmmm....how old is this guy again?
Brother: Oooo Reuben huh?
If THEY see it this way, is that what Reuben is thinking too? Should I see him that way? hmm well he's nice...people thinks that how it is..... And what if he does think that? Should I be on guard for any moves?
ARGH. I seem to lose myself quite easily and its bloody annoying but I really jsut can't help it!!!! I take cues off people a lot. really, I don't trust my own reactions or senses to any extent. It's a lot safer to take cues from others and most of the time it works perfectly fine. Not only that but any time I seek something I want, it tends to turn out badly (eg I tried meeting up with a friend while driving home from uni but after an hour of driving round trying to find where the heck she was meaning with her instructions, we gave up and kept going cos we were on a tight schedule), so its much better to just go through other people and tweak what they're doing so I want it too. And honestly, there isn't much that I like more than seeing other people happy so its perfect anyway. And as an aside, social interaction is all about social cues - everyone reads eachother to guage appropriate reactions and whatnot. It's natural
ARGH. They're just a friend, stop insinuating things that I'll start acting in accordance with.
Ok, and since I'm having a whine. My parents are being STUPID at the moment
Dad: *shuts down my computer*
Me: hey! I wasn't finished! And i'll shut ti down when I'm ready!
Dad: Well you didn't last night
Me: if you do it for me I'll never learn
Dad: Well, you don't seem to be learning, so I don't think you ever will.
Well alright, so I'm basically screwed for the real world? My mum is the kind of person who will pick after you just cos that's what she does. So now if she doesn't do it, like doesn't remind me to do it, I forget, and she gets angry that I didn't do it, but I've come to rely on her so I don't think about it but its my fault so I get angry cos she expects me to do it? When did that happen? Which is fair enough, I'm 19, I can look after myself but STILL. Why does she get ANGRY about it!!! So, going by my track record and what Dad seems to think, I shall fail to function as a human being once I leave home. *headwallrepeatedly*
Or how about Dad heckling me about juggling. I juggle cos I want to and I don't need him on the sidelines treating me like I wouldn't be doing it if he weren't there going "oh good girl, you're practising, well done, practise makes perfect, it's all in the throw not the catch, is that a left handed flourish? That's coming along nicely. Oh under the right leg, now lets see it under the left leg" BAH. It's an insult that I don't have a higher drive for juggling than mere congratulations. Like I need a gold star. Thanks Dad. If you hadn't been there while I was teaching myself 3, 4, 5 balls, my whole technical 3-ball routine, I just don't know how I would have coped. Thanks for motivating me, because clearly I'm incapable of doing it myself. It just makes me SO ANGRY.
"We've got a big weekend, make sure you juggle 10mins a day this week!"
I know it's childish, but I don't practise solely because he says I should. I love practising really, I want to become so much better than I am right now but if he's under the impression that I'm practising for the gold star rather than for the ultimate goal of being an Awesome Juggler, then I refuse. I now thoroughly dislike practising at home cos I have to put up with his heckling. I barely juggle at all over summer cos I hate it so much. I practise occasionally while he's out and stop when he comes home.
ANGER AND FRUSTRATION. ARGH.
Even when I went out busking this weekend and a guy from work stopped by to watch and HE noticed how much Dad heckles me, in just the hour that we busk for. And noticed that I was getting fed up by the end of the night, heh.
SO MUCH FRUSTRATION
The annoying thing comes when I get sucked into expectations when I don't want to be.
Example. How is a girl meant to be friends with a guy when everyone's first reaction is oooooo boy huh? ARGH.
Me: Just going to Reuben's after work
Mum: Hmmm....how old is this guy again?
Brother: Oooo Reuben huh?
If THEY see it this way, is that what Reuben is thinking too? Should I see him that way? hmm well he's nice...people thinks that how it is..... And what if he does think that? Should I be on guard for any moves?
ARGH. I seem to lose myself quite easily and its bloody annoying but I really jsut can't help it!!!! I take cues off people a lot. really, I don't trust my own reactions or senses to any extent. It's a lot safer to take cues from others and most of the time it works perfectly fine. Not only that but any time I seek something I want, it tends to turn out badly (eg I tried meeting up with a friend while driving home from uni but after an hour of driving round trying to find where the heck she was meaning with her instructions, we gave up and kept going cos we were on a tight schedule), so its much better to just go through other people and tweak what they're doing so I want it too. And honestly, there isn't much that I like more than seeing other people happy so its perfect anyway. And as an aside, social interaction is all about social cues - everyone reads eachother to guage appropriate reactions and whatnot. It's natural
ARGH. They're just a friend, stop insinuating things that I'll start acting in accordance with.
Ok, and since I'm having a whine. My parents are being STUPID at the moment
Dad: *shuts down my computer*
Me: hey! I wasn't finished! And i'll shut ti down when I'm ready!
Dad: Well you didn't last night
Me: if you do it for me I'll never learn
Dad: Well, you don't seem to be learning, so I don't think you ever will.
Well alright, so I'm basically screwed for the real world? My mum is the kind of person who will pick after you just cos that's what she does. So now if she doesn't do it, like doesn't remind me to do it, I forget, and she gets angry that I didn't do it, but I've come to rely on her so I don't think about it but its my fault so I get angry cos she expects me to do it? When did that happen? Which is fair enough, I'm 19, I can look after myself but STILL. Why does she get ANGRY about it!!! So, going by my track record and what Dad seems to think, I shall fail to function as a human being once I leave home. *headwallrepeatedly*
Or how about Dad heckling me about juggling. I juggle cos I want to and I don't need him on the sidelines treating me like I wouldn't be doing it if he weren't there going "oh good girl, you're practising, well done, practise makes perfect, it's all in the throw not the catch, is that a left handed flourish? That's coming along nicely. Oh under the right leg, now lets see it under the left leg" BAH. It's an insult that I don't have a higher drive for juggling than mere congratulations. Like I need a gold star. Thanks Dad. If you hadn't been there while I was teaching myself 3, 4, 5 balls, my whole technical 3-ball routine, I just don't know how I would have coped. Thanks for motivating me, because clearly I'm incapable of doing it myself. It just makes me SO ANGRY.
"We've got a big weekend, make sure you juggle 10mins a day this week!"
I know it's childish, but I don't practise solely because he says I should. I love practising really, I want to become so much better than I am right now but if he's under the impression that I'm practising for the gold star rather than for the ultimate goal of being an Awesome Juggler, then I refuse. I now thoroughly dislike practising at home cos I have to put up with his heckling. I barely juggle at all over summer cos I hate it so much. I practise occasionally while he's out and stop when he comes home.
ANGER AND FRUSTRATION. ARGH.
Even when I went out busking this weekend and a guy from work stopped by to watch and HE noticed how much Dad heckles me, in just the hour that we busk for. And noticed that I was getting fed up by the end of the night, heh.
SO MUCH FRUSTRATION
