• Come and join our girl community by registering for free and start discussing about girl topics, fashion, relationships...

A bit of issue with my gender/sexuality... help and advice needed

L

Lugia

Active Member
Joined
Jun 13, 2010
Messages
966
This is pretty embarrassing for me to talk about, so please just bare with me for a bit.

For a while I thought I was simply bisexual (this is the one thing I’m still FAIRLY certain of), as a few of you might know but the majority of you probably do not. Then I began to believe that I was, as my older sister called it, “gender fluid”, or basically any other term referring to the fact that sometimes I would feel more like a boy, so to speak, and others I’d feel more like a girl. But as time goes on I have sort of come to realize that most of the time I’m in a sort of ‘neutral’ state – meaning 90% of the time I don’t feel like a male or a female. And as I’ve discovered this I’ve found that I feel uncomfortable with both feminine and masculine pronouns. While this whole thing is very difficult for me, the whole pronouns issue is what stresses me out the most.

Again, this is sort of an awkward thing for me to talk about so any advice or help is greatly appreciated… but please do not try to talk me out of this “neutrality” so to speak – as scary as it is I think I’d be a lot more miserable trying to be just one sex or the other. That being said, once again, any advice on the matter/suggestions about pronouns/kind words or anything, really, would be incredibly helpful. xx
 
Werbung:
There are plenty of people who feel like they don't belong on either scale, so don't fret too much about it. After all you are your own identity and fit into your own category so don't be bothered by labels because they don't necessarily mean anything. They are just ways other people categorize things they don't understand or feel the need to comprehend. You just need to know that you exist and you deserve just as much right as anyone else. It's okay to feel the way you do. Sure people might lift a brow at your statement but as long as you feel good about who you want to be, that's all that really matters. After all as i said before there are many people who aren't stuck on the female/male label. There are some who are gender-neutral; who feel that they don't actually identify with a gender label, and that gender doesn't impact their self-image. As well as bigendered where some days they feel 'female' and some days they feel 'male'. Everyone is different - don't be afraid to explore out of the so called - gender - boundaries
 
You know what? Don't feel upset over this issue and just be yourself. My best advice is to take your time. No one can answer your question but yourself. These are you own feelings from within, you must find your own labels. Instead of feeling frustrated or confused, try seeing this situation in a different light. Find enjoyment and strength in discovering yourself and what you want in this life. Your family and friends love you for what you really are. It doesn't matter if you don't fit to a label yet. I'm sure that you'll find your own way...everyone finds their own way :)
 
Don't worry, you're not alone. I went through the same thing that you did. I am not really bisexual...I am bigendered. I am pretty sure I am straight. I tried to hook up with two girls but never felt that attraction as I did with men, but I don't feel like a woman. I feel like and identify as male more than female. I knew I didn't fit in as lesbian or bi until I met my ex. He is also bigendered and even felt most comfortable in drag, but never wanted to be with a man. Gender is a fluid issue and we shouldn't try to label or box each other into it. I mean, I wear men's wear all of the time and no one calls me a drag queen so I thought him wearing a skirt around the house was no big deal. lol
 
I'm with the others here. Gender and sexuality are fluid, so we shouldn't try to fit ourselves into neat little boxes.

I can relate though. When I was kid, I absolutely HATED being female. I hated the fact that I couldn't run and jump as well as the boys. I hated wearing dresses. I hated the fact that I was growing boobs, and of course, I hated dealing with having periods. However, I didn't want to be a boy, either. As I grew older, I came to accept my biological sex, but I've still always been a bit of a tomboy, and I have just as many stereotypical "male" characteristics as female ones. My husband often reminds me that I'm not a typical woman, lol (he says so in a good-natured way).
 
It's perfectly a-okay if you don't feel very connected to one gender or the other. You're your own person. Realize that others are going to use those gender pronouns because that's how THEY were raised and what makes THEM comfortable and it's nothing personal or any real indication of who you are. They're just going by what they know and not trying to upset you at all. You don't personally have to identify with either, though.
 
It's totally ok. And really, the pronoun thing is just a label. So if someone calls you he, or someone calls you she it doesn't really matter. It's just a way for them to not always use your name.
 
You are perfectly normal. Culturally this isnt something that is talked about often but do a little research and you will find historically there have been many 3rd gender groups tho were born one gender but strongly identify with the role of the other. Your feelings are valid and it is your life to do with what you please.
 
Wow that sounds like a predicament to deal with in our society. I agree with the commenters above, your situation is totally normal and it's something others have certainly gone through (there are probably a few bloggers out there who write on the subject, have you searched up anyone interesting?) Gender fluidity has been pretty widely discussed in psychology and I'm fairly certain it's a professionally accepted fact. However, I feel for you, because things that are academically accepted are often lost on the general public. Spend some time reflecting on who you are and what ou want first, but at the same time think about whether/how you want to challenge the limits of society around you. Unfortunately, and unfairly, your sexuality may become a point of discussion.

Be strong! You're so brave and introspective (a rare quality) for taking the time to realize that you're bigendered. I just don't think you should be forced to become an advocate if that's something you're not interested in doing. I want to say be yourself. You should be able to be yourself. But beyond understanding who you are, just be aware of the consequences of admitting it to others, particularly those who are close-minded about gender roles.
 
Werbung:
It might also help to find a lot of support throughout this process, especially before 'coming out' as it were. Your sister is obviously accepting - who else in your life embodies those characteristics?

I'm sorry to sound so pessimistic, but it's just that sexuality is such a contested topic that I worry for you. It's too bad that people just can't live their lives as the person they want to be, without any sort of outside interference. But stay confident.
 
Back
Top