ADHD issue

My boyfriends friend has ADHD. He is constantly rude to people around him and they are telling me its okay because it is normal. He came over my house last night and started spitting on his girlfriend in front of me and insulting her. She told me it was normal and paid no heed to it.

I have never come across an ADHD person before so I was surprised and irked by the experience. Anyhow he had absolutely no respect and I didn't actually know he had ADHD until I snapped at him. (My boyfriend knew but never told me.)

I snapped at him because while eating he kept saying that people with ADHD are retarded. I argued that's not the correct term anymore as its been recently in medical terms changed to intellectually disabled. That Retard is rude to say and it is hurtful. Even I felt offended.

He got in my face and told me he could call retards whatever he wanted, because thats what they are and then he spit on my face.

I had a bad reaction and hit him in retalation. Slapping him across the face.

He exploded into anger and walked out saying he was going to go get hit by cars because of me. (He did leave which he was gone for 2 hours before returning. We wanted to call the police but his GF said no.)

After My boyfriend and his friends GF said I reacted wrongly and told me I was at fault. Because I could not be sentimental to the fact that he has ADHD and to him retard is just what he is.(which again I didn't know he had ADHD)

They want me to apologize to him but I feel even if he feels that's the term for him he shouldn't be describing it as a whole. I'm still shaken by the whole thing because I don't understand how to approach the subject.

I know I should apologize for hitting X person but I still feel like in my gut his behavior is out of control. But if its normal - then how do I go about treating it as such so I don't become frustrated from it?

So since the last time I posted, I'm extremely pissed off.

Apparently his buddy admitted to taking my car keys, both the regular and duplicate and decided to throw them away. Cause I made him angry and he decided to get back at me. Frustration settled in knowing that my boyfriend and I took the trash out on Friday and he decided to tell us today that he did it.

Now he's in a fit of tears and I'm f-ed. I had off from work for a week because my family went on vacation to Disney and I wasn't smart enough to go driving until today to realize my car keys went poof.

My boyfriend feels highly offended that I ask his friend to pay when I was the reason this incident happened.

Honestly this is the biggest bs I have ever had to deal with in my life.

Heh... well, I do suffer from ADHD and I'm no way behaving like that. If you ask me the gf and your boyfriend have no idea what having ADHD really entitles! That ''friend'' is only a moron who is taking advantage and playing all the people around him. Seriously, the guy is just a prick with personality and behavioral issues, he seems to have the maturity level of a 3 year old that wasn't reprimanded when needed. God, how come he could trick people into believing that behaving like this is normal for someone with ADHD?

I suffer from ADHD, I was diagnosed with it when I was just a little way and I'm in NO way ''retarded'', actually I have an intelligence level that is way above the average. This guy however, seem to have the intelligence and sensitivity of a turnip. So what I'm trying to say... no, you are not wrong!!! That behavior is just not normal, not even normal for someone with Tourette!! That guy is a tremendously immature and sick individual, and the ones to blame for allowing him to become that are all those around him who think that behavior is ok and part of ADHD. By the way... is NOT.

God, please don't apologize to that individual... don't perpetrate this! The people around him need to stop him from thinking this kind of behavior is ok and can be excused and blamed on ADHD....