What if you don't like his family?

My bestie has a problem, she has a nice boyfriend, but she completely loathes her boyfriend family, not all of them, just his mom and other two nosy relatives.

She has issues with that woman because she often says things she shouldn't and so on. His mom is too frank to the point of being rude.

I tried to advice her that every time his mom says or does something that bothers her, she closes her eyes and try to see the things from the point of view of her boyfriend's mom.

I hope it works for her!

What would you do if you didn't like your boyfriend's family?

It's a tough situation. You don't want to put him in the position of feeling like he has to choose between the two of you.

If the relationship is serious, your friend will need to find a way to work it out. There's an old saying, "You're not just marrying him; you're marrying his whole family." I've found that sentiment to be very true. It won't be much being married to a family she can't get along with.

That's good advice you gave your friend. I think it's good advice in all areas of life, to try to put ourselves in the other person's shoes.

You are right, she is definitely marrying the whole family! Once they get married he wants to find a house near their house, a few streets away to be exact, lol. So yeah, she'll be seeing them often, including his awful sister and mother. Gosh the things she has told me about that woman, if it was me I don't know what I'd do with a mother in law like that!

And yeah, trying to see things from the other person perspective when the offense is relatively minor is a good thing, it helps you understand why the person might have done or said what they did. That in the best of the cases allows you to cool down! Sometimes it doesn't but it depends a lot in the person.

It's often the case that moms think no one is good enough for their child. Maybe once she gets to know her son's fiance a bit, they will get along better. If not, it may come to the point where she has to confront his mother. Unresolved issues can grown much bigger than they need to be. They both love him, so it's in everyone's interest to try to build some type of relationship.

I know exactly how she feels! I have been with my boyfriend for two years now, he is the love of my life I have no idea what I'd do without him! But... His mother is the worst. She is an alcoholic and does drugs, she is a horrible mother to his two little sisters. She is a drama queen and makes every thing about her. And she hates me I know for a fact. She talks behind my back, calls me fat, etc. But, I don't let it get to me, because I love him and he doesn't like her either. If he wants to live close to his mom, I am sorry! We keep his mom as far away as possible. But, maybe the feeling will change if you talk about it? Hope this helps!

I've had a bad experience in this area and a lot depends on the relationship he has with his mother. If he always wants to please her or agrees with her, then it makes me think whether or not he is right for me. If the relationship was good, then distance is still a good thing, but if you don't get on you must consider how the boyfriend will act, supporting you or his mother in a dispute?

Trellum said:

You are right, she is definitely marrying the whole family! Once they get married he wants to find a house near their house, a few streets away to be exact, lol. So yeah, she'll be seeing them often, including his awful sister and mother. Gosh the things she has told me about that woman, if it was me I don't know what I'd do with a mother in law like that!
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A house near their house?

That's sounds terrible. How far away from this ideal are they? Are they talking "we already have steady careers and making plans for the next few years", or is it more like "still teenagers/young adults and he still lives with his parents and doesn't know better and getting married would not happen before at least five to seven years so he has plenty of time to realize he wants something different?"

For your friend's sake, I really hope it's the second, that he's still a mama's boy that he'll go to college and enlarge his horizons and realize that he does not have to be so close to family. I mean, really, the horror. If you're within a walk away from them, you can be sure that the mother-in-law will come knocking at the door and the son will be overjoyed because she'd be bringing food!

Seriously.

Sounds horrible.

That sucks, family is so important.

If you really love your boyfriend, you will learn to love his family. Find ways to get into their hearts and be comfortable with their ways and attitudes.